Jan. 9th, 2011 01:57 am
kitausu: (Sarek and Amanda)
Title:  Storm
Pairing:  None
Rating:  pg
Summary:  Cross-posted from a muse journal, Sarek's delayed reaction to Amanda's loss.  Sarek's POV.

        After informing Amanda's parents of our loss, I sought refuge from the onslaught of emotion that was transferred with every sympathetic touch from her relatives that had swarmed the farmhouse.  I am grateful for their support and pleased to see that Amanda's parents will be supported during this time in ways that I am unable to express with more than an 'I grieve with thee'.  I do grieve and the toll that is taking on my control is why I am climbing the dunes, seeking solitude. 

    I am not surprised that my walk has led me along a trail to the shore that Amanda had often brought me to on the rare times we visited her parents.  She knew that the oceans of her homeworld, those vast bodies of plentiful water, fascinate me.  I feel drawn to them, all that water, such a scarce resource on my own world, my world that along with Amanda, no longer exists.  Fresh torrents of grief batter against the fragile control I am struggling to maintain.  Amanda, my wife...I let the tears I have withheld ever since realizing that my wife had not been beamed aboard to safety with me, begin to fall silently.

    I wish that Spock had been able to accompany me, but I understand why he has not.  He has duties to attend to and I am not sure I would want him to witness me now, collapsed on the sandy shore, as a storm that matched the fury of my anguish blew in off the water.  Witnessing Spock's own rage and sorrow had been difficult, I do not desire to put him through similar pain.  I managed to keep my control, even as I told him the true reason I married Amanda.  If he feels that I do not mourn her and that leads to a widening of the rift between us that had only just begun to heal, that is a far better thing than letting him see me like this.

  I do not know how long I had been sitting here, as the cold wind and rain buffeted around me, the waves crashing angrily on the shore.  It must have been hours as the tide had been out when I arrived and now it was nearly at high tide.  I was shivering from the cold but did not move.  I was not ready to go back yet.  I did not hear the approaching footsteps over the tumult of the waves and my own thoughts.


  I turned and saw him falter as he took in my appearance.  "Your grandparents will be pleased to see you."  I manage, thankful for the rain that hide my tears that once released have not stopped.  I do not wish him to see me like this, but I too am pleased he is here.

  "We should go back to the house." 

  I weakly stand, nodding and shivering violently as a strong gust of cold wind blew around us.  I am grateful for the cloak he quickly sheds and wraps around me, keeping an arm around my shoulders as he guides us back down the well-worn path to my in-law's home.  "Your mother..."  I stop, and brace myself, pulling at the shreds of my control before starting again with a stronger voice, "Your mother used to enjoy walking along this path.  If you have a few days, I will show you other favorite spots of hers in the area,"  I offer quietly, grateful when he accepts.


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January 2011

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